God can use you, too, a sinner.

Everyone at some point had shown their prejudices against people. We tend to judge them based on what we only know about them, which is only an excerpt of their stories. We find most people who are in hopeless situations to be hopeless, too. But, we forgot that God is working out behind the scenes. Nobody believes in them. Nobody believed in them more than God did. In fact, in one way or another, we have been one of those people who has felt not being good enough, hopeless, unworthy, and not qualified to be used by God. But would God use our imperfections and flaws against us? Will he use that to stop us from serving Him and His people because we are broken, in pain, a mess? I guess not. That’s not how I’ve known my God.

God’s chosen people were not perfect, golden, successful. They, too, were broken, tainted, scarred, a mess. He uses anyone to be His chosen vessel. Will He use you? Of course, yes!

Moses was an orphan, has a speech problem,
but God chose Him to be a leader of His people

Abraham was old,
but He was chosen to be a father of His nation

Gideon was afraid,
but He won the battle without lifting a weapon

Joseph was betrayed and imprisoned,
but became the second king

Esther spoke to a prideful king
and the king listened to her

Daniel’s roommate was a lion
and yet he was able to tame it

Jonah ran from God and was stuck in a big fish
and Nineveh repented

Peter was a coward; denied Christ three times,
but he became the church’s rock

Paul was imprisoned and persecuted Christians before He became one,
but He was chosen to be His disciple

Job went bankrupt
David was a murderer and adulterer
Samson was a womanizer
Noah was a drunk
Jeremiah and Timothy were too young
Naomi was a widow
Martha was a worrier
Leah was ugly
Elijah was suicidal
Lazarus was dead
The disciples fell asleep while praying
Mary Magdalene was a prostitute
Saul was a bad king

And all these people was used by God to build His nation and lead His people.
God uses flawed people to be a hope in this flawed world.

All of us have our curvy edges and deep holes in our souls. We are all, but sinners. Sinners, but are saved by God’s precious son, Jesus Christ. That’s how much He loves you, that’s how much He loves us. And YES, no matter how sinful we may be, we all can be a vessel of love and a blessing to others. He can and will use anyone of us, no buts and what’s if. He will use to be His storyteller, to be a bearer of hope, love, and light.

And when He’s calling you, I hope you’ll answer it with a yes.

“God doesn’t call the qualified, He qualifies the called.”

God can use you, too, a sinner.

I Am Loved

God is doing something beautiful in my life. He’s doing a completely beautiful work in me. I struggled with self-love for years that I wasn’t able to see and acknowledge the love from the people around me, especially the love that my greatest Lover has for me.

I have suffered from depression and anxiety, though it was not clinically diagnosed (since I was a coward to see a doctor), I knew I had one, I made a thorough research about it and its symptoms and I had it. It was hard to live every day pretending you’re okay when the truth is you’re not. I tried to commit suicide multiple times, but there’s always a force that stops me from doing so. I guess, it was God. It was Him who stops me from ending my life.

One day, I went to a chapel and there I talked to Him.

I was ashamed to face Him. I have sinned so much, and I don’t even know if I have all the right to face Him.

I stared at Him, and He was there on the cross, staring at me with so much love. I broke down in tears. He wants me. Everything about me, from all the messy edges and dark corners of my soul to the whole me. I asked for forgiveness (I took a confession), and guess what He said to me,

My daughter, I love you, and there’s nothing that can change that. Come back home, my paradise is waiting for you. You are forgiven.”

And since then, I choose to live my life with Him.

He never fails to remind me every waking moment of how much I am loved by Him, of how much I am worthy of that love. There is no love like His- love that always leaves me excited; love that always seeks me and fights for me. I know He saw the deep brokenness and rebellion in my heart and He was there, still pursuing me till the very end. He’s filling my empty pockets with graces and faith. I have come to know a God who makes His weak soldiers His heroes; who never leaves His warriors in the middle of a war. I am clothed with sins, but it didn’t make my God love me less. Instead, He has created a new clothing made out of His great love and grace for me to wear. He heals and renews my soul, he forgives and loves me even more.

I am so loved by God that sometimes, it’s really hard to believe. And it’s humbling to know that He loved and will continue to love us despite our imperfections.

“But God demonstrates His own love toward us, in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us.” – Romans 5:8

Be encouraged, my friends. This is the truth that was meant for all of us. His love never fails and will never fail. Have faith.

I know, there will still be days where it feels like waking up in the morning seems too hard. There will be days were sadness will take over. There will still be days we may feel like giving up. There will always be days like this. But, the saving power of God also never fails.

Before I started writing this, I opened my Bible and I was affirmed by Psalm 116:1-9, which states,

“I love the LORD, for he heard my voice; he heard my cry for mercy. Because he turned his ear to me, I will call on him as long as I live. The cords of death entangled me, the anguish of the grave came over me; I was overcome by distress and sorrow. Then I called on the name of the LORD: “LORD, save me!” The LORD is gracious and righteous; our God is full of compassion. The LORD protects the unwary; when I was brought low, he saved me. Return to your rest, my soul, for the LORD has been good to you. For you, LORD, have delivered me from death, my eyes from tears, my feet from stumbling, that I may walk before the LORDin the land of the living.”

Indeed, how great is our God! I am so grateful to have not ended my life. I am so grateful I let Him take over my life. I am so grateful I let Him be in control.

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Right now, I am too grateful to feel all the love from all the people around me. I am grateful that I can now see my worth as a daughter of the Most High. I am learning so much and taking the time to understand why things happen the way they have to. I am taking the time to understand all the feelings that occupy my heart because I know I am feeling them for a reason, may it be sadness and happiness, love and pain, or even fear and excitement. I am absorbing the light this world has that peaks through all the darkness that surrounds my soul. It has been a wild ride and it’s still is. My heart is so grateful right now and so as my soul. I am so happy to live in this world that wakes up to the grace and mercy of God. I have never felt so alive before. I’m happy.

Father, thank you for showing me how much I’m worthy and enough. I want to lose myself not to someone, not to the world, but to You, my God! I love you. 

 

I Am Loved